Sometimes It's Just Zen

Today was marvelous. Thanks universe.

My creative juices are making me drool right now, and that's how I know the full moon is approaching. It's actually Saturday, for those of you who aren't in the know.

I remember a time in the tender bud of my youth, where I was entangled in a romance with witchcraft. For each full moon, I would make sure that I had a lover lined up (when appropriate), and I would fill my bedroom with fresh flowers (I carefully researched the symbolism of these flowers, of course) and candles, and incense. I'd take a really long bath in the appropriate essential oils, and then fold myself into some type of silk robe. I'm sure you can fill in the rest. I really enjoyed this little ritual. I think perhaps I ought to bring it back. It always helped me tap into the divine feminine, and who doesn't need a little of that every now and then?

I think it's about time that I started to look for ways to make my life a little more spiritual, and try to find a beautiful mind/body connection. All of that has sort of fallen away in the muddle of relationships gone wrong, homes falling apart, and pets being shuffled about in the chaos.

This full moon is going to be time for a reflection on the power of solitude, and the strength of finding my own two feet beneath me no matter what happens. I'll be flying solo, this month. Something tells me not for long though...

I'm thinking of studying Red Tantra. Google it.

There's No Place Like Hope

Someone suggested I might take time from my busy schedule to add a new post, as the last one might be misconstrued out of context. Though I thumb my nose at the idea that anyone would ACTUALLY think I'm a racist, I do think it's time for some new fodder, but I'm under the gun today, again.

I will leave you this.

Now that the fortress of solitude is mostly unpacked, and life is beautifully starting to settle, the attached video, which I found on my friend's Facebook page, really sums up my head-space.

Sometimes we make things incredibly hard, when they really don't need to be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6exm2Hi28Xw

Am I a Racist, or an Idiot?

Last night I learned that these men are in fact two very different people. The man on the top is Don Cheadle, and the man below him Tim Meadows. No kidding.

All this time, I thought that Boogie Nights was an extraordinary performance for someone who played "The Ladies Man" on SNL. And I was thrilled that he was handed a juicy role in Hotel Rawanda.

And then, during a heated debate with a very handsome fellow on a patio, a text message and a group of strangers piping up won the argument in his favor, and clarity fell on me like a drunken bridesmaid.

Incredible. I can just imagine the beautiful way that he will step into his next role as president of the United States of America. A proud day in history, that.

I Just Want to Sleep

But wouldn't it be so much sweeter with someone warm and soft beside me, limbs all tangled up with mine, and their sweet hot breath in my ear?

I don't know how I'm still holding up my head right now because I'm woefully sleep-deprived, but I am absolutely thrilled to see that the renovations are almost at an end, and soon I will be all unpacked and set up in this place.

That means that I can entertain guests in the fortress. I can have visitors, and dinner parties, and sleep-overs if I want. I can spend quiet evenings on my terrace with citronella candles and a bottle of wine, listening to old Joni Mitchell tunes and thinking about all of the places I want to travel to and the kind of person who would be the perfect traveling companion.

I can finally clean the layers of dust off all of the things I own, and surround myself with all of this beauty that has been stashed away in boxes for the last several months.
I can have a home.

Who knew that these renos would be so very epic? May the gods of construction see us through to the end of this long journey, because then I'm going to celebrate.

If Today Is Your Birthday

(A post that should have been posted 1 hour and 38 minutes ago)
Set yourself targets that are a little bit higher and a little bit harder to reach than you are used to. Effort and enjoyment are closely connected. Don't sit around waiting for someone to give to you what you are capable of getting for yourself.

This could also read:
A dear, new friend will save you from the after-effects of an awkward and rather depressing encounter with her gorgeous brother in tow, and the three of you will enjoy a saucy new patio in a burgeoning section of the GTA

or: An adorable stranger with mischevious eyes and tawny good looks will drive Nascar fast to have coffee with you, and then later get drunk and fall asleep when you try to booty call him for a bit of birthday icing on the cake you didn't get.

or:
The pre-dawn hours of your birthday will be spent with someone you've known of for eleven years, but are just only beginning to know, who you just want to put your hands on, and who made out with you in their car for a senior-high-school-year amount of time. Those were the best kisses you've had in about five years, and now you won't rest until you've had more.

or:
You'll be offered a new job, and you'll decide to take it because life is filled with forks, and spoons are for suckers.

or:
You will realize with certain clarity that there are really only two people that you can see yourself dating right now, and you just aren't sure what the process is because you're a cereal monogamist, which is to say that you like your sexual relationships with milk and sometimes museli.

or:
This is your first birthday in seven years where you have slept alone. It's certainly wierd, but also ok, and to celebrate you will be a rebel and fall asleep with your makeup still on.

or:
This year, this year ahead of you, this 32nd year ahead of you, will be the most grounded, self-assured, hopeful, and deeply loving year you've ever had. You have learned so much about life and love over this last big stretch, and your tenacity and bravery will pay off in rewarding career moves, lucrative opportunities to create art and celebrate all of the beautiful, talented people that you know, and you will finally meet a partner fierce enough to understand you and love you as deeply as you can love, who dreams of eating life with no utensils and raising fat, happy babies who either look like you, or feel like they could have been made by you. And the lump in your throat right now means you know that this horoscope was bang on. Happy Birthday.

And Then Came the Dawn

Holy crap. Sorry for that last one.
I woke up to my dog's cold wet nose in my ear and a fly tickling my left shoulder. I blinked twice, had an urgent craving for a glass of water, followed by the spins, and suddenly remembered my last entry. In true drunk 'n dial fashion, I hoped it was a dream, but nope. It's there for the world to see.
Last night wasn't as bad as it sounded, actually. It's just that tequila seems to lead to unnecessary tears and puddles of self-pity right now. In fact, I had a lovely dinner date with an old friend from college who may turn out to be a good prospect, and shared a cab ride home from the house party that led to my drunkenness with a very sweet fella who also shares my neighbourhood and my astrological sign.

A Leo boy and girl will bring out the best and brightest in each other. You are both energetic, glamorous and have an optimistic, fun outlook on life. You also share a sense of drama and you’ll have a lively time making life an adventure for two. With your affectionate and generous natures, you are sure to be good to each other and provide each other with all the emotional attention and little gifts that will make you both very happy. You will also have amazing physical chemistry and the kissing will be out of this world. A perfect soulmate match

I don't know about all of that, but the cab ride was nice. In fact, we talked about babies, and he told me his last relationship ended because he wanted them and she didn't. We stupidly forgot to exchange contact info, and I can't really remember his name. Actually, maybe HE didn't forget to exchange info. Yikes.

It's perfectly rainy today, which is to say that I'm in the mood for a nice, cozy, rainy day. I'm also in the mood for some french toast, and I'm going to get both. Brunch with my girlfriends, and then perhaps some time spent at the regular Sunday bluegrass gig that the cute musician plays at every week. Although I could also very happily come back to the Fortress (where I am making good headway!) and continue plugging away at that.

So, in summary, despite my rather pathetic last post, all is more than well. Hope springs eternal, and the sun has at least metaphorically come out tomorrow.

I sorry...did I wake you up?

This is the cyber equivalent of a drunk n dial.
I am so ready for sleeping, but think it's important to point out that I'm afraid that there's not a man alive who truly understands me, and that my best bets for motherhood right now involve artificial insemination and a lesbian partner named "jo".

Those of you who pretended to be on the same page because it felt good at the time should loose my number.

Not even my best friends know what to do for me right now.

Bon Nuit Toronto.....